I went on a summer programme (ATW) in Japana's Kyūshu University (Kyūdai) in June 2008 and almost half of the 64 exchange students were from Singapore.
One of the Singaporeans, Eve, and a younger American, Adam, gradually became a couple as they lived in the same dormitory. As ATW was only for six weeks, they decided to spend as much time together as possible before they went back to their own countries.
We met June, an outgoing NUS student on a 10-month exchange programme (JTW) at Kyūdai. Since she had hardly met any Singaporean, she invited all Singaporean students to her dormitory for dinner on a Saturday night. Eve brought Adam along, without informing June, whom she thought would not mind. Honestly, some of us were quite surprised, as June had really meant it to be an "all-Singaporean gathering" to let June feel at home, but everyone was sensitive enough to not say anything. I was worried if Adam would feel left-out as we spoke in Singlish and mingled extremely well with June, although we knew her for a shorter time than we knew him. He was very receptive, but remained quiet most of the time and seemed to enjoy our chattings.June had only seen Adam briefly in school but did not know him at all and did not interact much with him that night. When we ran out of food, Adam volunteered to buy some from a nearby supermarket, with Eve and other Singaporean boys. I guess he realised that he had to contribute as he was not one of us.
When we returned to our dormitories, June chatted with me online and confessed that she felt uneasy from not being informed beforehand. Also, although she had made some close American friends from JTW, she had met some who were racist against Asians. As I lived in the same dormitory as Adam, I explained that I understand her feelings but Adam was an accommodating person, as he was, after all, half-Japanese. I urged her to get to know Adam more if she had the chance, and since then, they would chat with each other whenever they met in school.What should Eve, June or even Adam have done initially to prevent the unspoken tension? Even though they did not express their discomfort explicitly, their actions did reveal some lessons to be learned.
Hi Sok Huang!
ReplyDeleteI guess it must have been one tense situation for everyone that night. But I have to agree with what the whole group did: keep quiet. Sometimes, some things just have to be left
Although Eve should have realised of the consequences for bringing Adam along, it is acceptable that people sometimes overlook certain things. Furthermore, Asians are high-context people so it is difficult for Westerners to comprehend us(I get this impression that Eve is not Asian, is she?). Also, it is human nature to feel some form of 'cultural sorority' when you are away for quite some time. =).
But I'm glad Adam wasn't affected in any way. And I'm releived to hear that all is well when you left Japan. =)
Hello Sok Huang,
ReplyDeleteI guess this is a situation that occurs pretty often. Somehow when people get attached, their significant other becomes part of the equation. I'm not against getting to know someone else's partner, but I believe there's an appropriate time and place to get to know them better.
For example, if you're at a class gathering, it's be awkward talking about past events without making the boyfriend/girlfriend feel left out. I guess Eve should have been more considerate.
Thanks for sharing anyway. I wish I could go on an exchange like you did. Looks like fun!
Hi Sok Huang,
ReplyDeleteI guess such incidences are inevitable, especially when the intended message was not brought across appropriately to the targeted audience.
But it was nice to read that everyone was accommodating and sensitive enough not to voice their discomfort over the issue. =)
Perhaps, Eve should have been more considerate and seek June's opinion on whether it would be appropriate for her to bring Adam along. Afterall, June is the organiser of the event and it would only be polite to seek permission for an uninvited guest.
In addition, to reduce such tensions, June should have firmly state in her invitation card(if there is one) that this meet-up is solely for Singaporeans. This way, Eve would not have brought Adam along and cause unnecessary misunderstandings.
P.S. From your photos, you seemed to enjoy yourself alot in Japan. Do remember to share your experiences with us!! =)
Regards,
May Chen, Crystal.
Hi Sok Huang,
ReplyDeleteI understand that Eve was try to spend more time together with Adam before the end of the summer programme but it was not at the appropriate occasion.
Perhaps Eve should inform June before hand or seeks for her permission, hence to avoid this kind of discomfiture.
Since June invited only Singaporean students to her dormitory for dinner, then Eve should have to decide to keep company with Adam or join the dinner.
Eve should be more considerate, because Adam might not be able to fit in the gathering of all Singaporeans where they have common topics among them.
An interesting experience and thanks for sharing.
Regards,
Kent
Hi Sarah, Soo Kun, Crystal and Kent
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments. I guess everyone realised that, at the end of the day, since they were on exchange, there was not really an obligation to stick to the "all-Singaporean" rule. Besides, it was just an informal gathering. This would sound kind of exclusive. To Sarah: Eve is one of the Singaporeans :)
Though it was tense for a moment, I was relieved, too, that it all ended well. I would love to be on exchange with all of you too! :)
Hi Sok Huang,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post, I feel that the situation was awkward rather than being tense. No one expected the sudden appearance of a non-Singaporean on an all Singaporean party. Moreover, no one seems to be interacting with Adam. Actually, I feel quite sorry for him to be left out.
To prevent this kind of awkward situation, June can inform everyone beforehand that this is a Singaporean get-together where the discussion topic will be mostly about Singapore.
Since Adam was already at the party, some effort should at least be made to interact with him. Isn’t interacting with other cultures the purpose of an exchange program? At the very least, Eve, should be interacting with Adam. She can be the “translator” and “medium” to help Adam integrate into the group discussion.
Regards
Chin Min