Amy, an American, met her Japanese ex-husband Kouhei in university. They decided to get married in Kouhei’s hometown, Kyushu, Japan, after graduation, bringing along Amy’s parents who had not visited Japan. Kouhei had hardly mentioned anything about Japan and Amy had only met his parents a few times as they had to work in Osaka. Nevertheless they appeared to get along well with each other although Amy was often quiet due to language barriers.
When Amy saw her in-laws at the marriage registration, she dashed over to hug them and shouted their names, “Hi Makiyo, hi Takeshi!” Kouhei, upon sensing his traditional parents' displeasure, immediately whispered to Amy to bow and restrain her excitement.
During lunch when everyone tucked into their ramen, Amy's side was shocked by the loud slurps Kouhei's side made. The Americans saw it as impolite and noisy while the Japanese viewed it as polite, an expression of enjoyment and a way of cooling the hot ramen. Amy’s in-laws then offered her the mentaiko (fish roe) sushi. As Amy is worried that she would get diarrhea from consuming raw food, she waved her hand and said, “No, worry.” Her in-laws heard it as “warui” (bad) and misinterpreted it as an insult. Amy’s side often picked food up by piercing through with the chopsticks which they were inept in, talked and laughed loudly while eating and pointed the chopsticks at the Japanese. After all, they usually did these with their knives and forks but the in-laws considered them as disrespectful.
The next six months of living together were not amicable for both families due to the vast differences in cultures and practices. Eventually, Amy and Kouhei divorced, which was probably the only common thing between the two societies.
I feel that Kouhei should have told Amy more about the traditional Japanese customs to prepare her for meetings with his conservative parents. This would be fair to a foreigner like Amy ("kouhei" actually means justice.) Also, Amy and her parents should have also done some research before moving to Japan to avoid any blunders. If both sides had taken time to try to understand each other's backgrounds, their intercultural communication skills would have been enhanced and the split could have been prevented too.
(Test: Please spot one cultural mistake in the picture)
Hello Sok Huang!
ReplyDeleteI guess this situation is rather common in almost every inter-racial and inter-religious marriage. I will have to agree that it is important that both sides have to know what they are in for before tying the knot. Language barrier, cultural clashes and dissatisfaction with the other party are some of the probable outcomes.
But just as much as we would like to prepare, there should also be mutual understanding between both sides throughout their days as man and wife. Each side (family) must be able to adapt to the other's culture, practices and views. Most importantly, patience is a virtue which many of us lack nowadays. We want the our spouse to change overnight when we know that it is almost impossible to do so. Old habit dies hard, the same goes for our beliefs and culture. Having faith in our spouse helps.
Also, this is a good portrayal of when a low-context culture clashes heads on with a high context culture.
My advice: if you're an impatient and a culturally-rooted person, forget about getting married to a person who is 'culturally opposite'. =). That is like bringing North pole to another North.
Hi Sok Huang,
ReplyDeleteI think that Kouhei should have explained Amy's actions to his parents and clear any misunderstanding they have towards her. What she did was something that has been a part of her culture, and it will not be easy for her to convert to a conservative person overnight.
Amy has her part to play too. Since she is going to marry Kouhei, she should learn more about his culture and accept them as her own. With more consideration and understanding on both sides, perhaps the marriage would not have ended up in a divorce.
Soo Kun
Hi Sarah and Soo Kun
ReplyDeleteI agree with your thoughts. I guess these are pertinent skills to learn, especially in these modernised times when people of all backgrounds meet and some decide to get married and have a family. If really so, I think they should spend more time knowing more about one another's cultures deeply before they decide if they are suitable for each other.
Thank you!